My Irrational Fear of London

     I have an irrational fear of London.

     How can a person have a fear of place? Simple. Be dragged there every summer until fear clinches the heart and taints the enjoyment of journeying to the place. London is the capital of England, everyone loves it. Everyone, except me.

     I don't mind London. I quite like it. If I had to create an analogy for describing my relationship with London, it would be to compare it with a rollarcoaster. You go on a rollarcoaster, even though you know you're afraid, if only for the enjoyment. Except, the fear on a rollarcoaster adds to the enjoyment, whereas my fear of London does not add to the enjoyment. Sometimes it takes away from the joy, sometimes it's just there.

     Okay, that was one screwed analogy. If you managed to make sense of that whole paragraph then you get a sticker saying that you are brilliant. Because you are. Even I can't figure out what I was trying to say, except that London makes me tense.

     My fear was a lot more acceptable when I was younger. Children and central London were never going to get along. Central London is full of business people, tourists and crazy students all shoving there way from A to B, and children get trampled on in the bustle. It's like a river of bodies, and you get swept up and dragged along to places you weren't intending on going to. I was probably ten or eleven when we started these trips; too old to hold a parent's hand, but too young to hold my own against the tirade.

     Another issue that I had was the fact that my Dad works in London, so he is an expert in maneuvering through the crazy crowds and getting the right tube, and getting on the right tube without decapitating himself. So, us outsiders had to try and keep up with his pace so not to get lost, fight the people's of London so not to get pushed away, and get onto a tube carriage that is so full there is no possible way of getting more people on, all without dying.

     Am I getting through yet? London is scary when you are ten and you've just hit five foot. 

       I am also claustrophobic. I discovered that when I went caving. That's probably the worst place in the world to discover that you are claustrophobic. It was funny too, when I had finished crying my eyes out. I think I knew, though, that I was claustrophobic. It would explain the raging panic that coursed through me whenever I was on a tube. The tube sucks. And since most of our day trips to London consisted of being on the tube, or on a platform waiting for the tube, I began to associate London with fear and panic.

     I liked Madame Tussards. I liked the London Eye (the first time, not the ten times I've been on since). I liked the River Thames. I liked the Millennium Dome. I liked Covent Gardens. I liked the West End. I did not like tubes, trains, crowds, walking for miles, burning thirst and tiredness. 

     I don't think that London's tourist advertising companies will be getting in touch with me anytime soon.

     Okay, when I read back through all that rambling, I am not hating on London, more on London's mode of transports, or London's citizens, though tourists aren't citizens and are the most annoying part of London, even though when I go to London, I'm a tourist, but does that really count since I was born in London. Does being born in London and two years of living in London make me a Londoner? Or am I something else entirely, since I spent my next sixteen years living in another town, and then a year at university? Am I babbling? Yes. Okay, I'll shut up.

     I guess what I have really discovered is that I have an irrational fear of the London Underground and that it overshadows my enjoyment of family day trips to London, although now I am older, that fear is a little subsided and more controllable. You now know why I get panicking in the depths of London. The tube is dark, hot and crowded. People get stupid in their rushing and I get nervous when I look at the spaghetti maps. To everyone who uses the tube every day with ease, I applaud you. You are much better people then me, who cannot even keep up with a guide. 

     Don't be put off by my poor description of London. It has so much to offer, like the Globe theatre, and London Dungeons, and the Tower of London. My advice to you, though, is to walk. Your legs will probably drop off, but it's better than losing your head.

     Shame about mine though. I think I've already lost it.